Much Ado About Nothing

why cant i be happy?

2009-07-15T07:05:00.000-07:00

it's been 2 months since my last entry. what happened in the last 2 months you asked me? well, where do i start? more drama added to the family with our eldest decided to come home after her m.i.a for nearly 9 months, sisters reconciliation, bad planning, arguments, bad business decision and oh, did i mention that i got married? i didnt? well, it must have slipped my mind somehow...lol

too many things happened this past 2 mths that my marriage seems irrelevant somehow. i 've long realized that i cant be at 2 places at the same time but some people dont get it.. yet. nope... not even after 30 years. not at this lifetime. haha. I can't control the situasion and do damage control at the same time. i can't be a shoulder to cry on when i desperately in need of a shoulder to cry on. i can't be the planner when there is so many things to plan on. i can't be strong at all time..

i am me. i am me.................

sometimes i just needed people to see that. not the strongheaded daughter that they come to rely everything on. not the levelheaded sister that giving her shoulder to cry on and for your damage control solution. not the partner that taking everything on a stride. not the peacemaker that i've become...

words..... sometimes they do more wonders than we think..

this is a story of a girl and a boy; and a friend.

2009-05-16T02:23:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there is this girl whom befriended a little boy, they went everywhere together and do everything together and kept each other secrets.

When they both graduated, the girl begin to have crush on him but afraid that she will ruin their longtime relationship. One day the boy told the girl that he had to go work in another town across the ocean and promise her that he will keep in touch. The girl; convinced that the boy had no deeper feeling for her had her heart broken inside, however she kept on smiling and continue supporting him.

True to his word, the boy kept in touch with the girl everytime he can; and whenever the girl in his town he make sure he always available for her even in odd hours. Sparks of hope appear again in the girl's heart, hoping that this time he will finally feel the way she felt. He hold her hand, but he never say a thing, not a thing....

Months passes by, each trips to his town bringing more heartache to her. Through this season of sadness and heartaches, there is one true friend of them who stood by her, bringing her out to have fun, make her forget....make her forget.....

This friend has been there for her through her sadness and pain had let her know his true feeling for her; do you know how it feel? She feel glorious and loved.... worthy of love... loved..

Years passed by, somewhere along the road she lost contact with the boy, selfishly happy with her new life.... somewhere along the road the boy called, texted and the girl just had forgotten... forgotten.....

After dodging the question for so many years the girl finally decided to settle down with the friend who had became her lover; and one night she dreamt, of the specky boy who had made her laugh so many years ago, who had made her feel beautiful and confident, who had been her life.... she dreamt of him and cried.... and cried....

The next day she decided to told the friend about her dream. The friend had kissed her forehead and hold her hand. I've always knew; he said. Of you and the boy.. both of us has loved you.. i always wonder if your love for him is greater than your love for me, and now i realize that you still had feelings for him.. go meet up with him and see how far your feeling are; he said again.

So the girl went to meet up with the boy. Just like old time, just like old time... but this time the girl doesnt feel the butterflies in her stomach, nor the fast heartbeat.... Both of them knew, the girl's heart is already forever taken.... by the friend who had been there for her...

So finally she come home to him.. this time it will be forever...

You Smelled Of Perfume......

2009-02-24T09:25:00.000-08:00

While I'm staying in a hotel in PJ last week, i was going through all the available channels when i stumbled upon a Jude Law movie titled Breaking and Entering. The story revolved around him (of course) and his twisted love story(ies). He was in a relationship with a single mom when out in a blue he suddenly got involved with a young thief's mother.

Please be informed that this young thief managed to break through his office security system twice and both time managed to escape with the bounties. In his effort to show the young thief the right path in life, he fall for his mom instead. He slept with her and later come home to his partner; the single mom. What interest me is the conversation they have when he arrived home later that night.

( M- stand for man and F stand for female.)

F - You smelled of perfume.
M - I don't know how i got it.
F - I also don't know how you get it.
M - I love you.
F - Is that an answer?
M - I don't know how to talk to you. It is as if I'm talking to a glass. You're inside that glass looking at me but you can't hear me.

---end----

Kudos to the writer(s?) for the excellent script! I just love it when the man using first endearments to get him out of the sticky situation and later using guilt when the first attempt doesn't work. And I'm not that surprised when later the man again used the guilt factor to his already 5 years (?) life partner to get him out of the relationship.

Along the storyline, it was made known to the viewers that the woman still not comfortable of letting her daughter called him 'daddy' for fear that he wouldn't stay that long in their life and only will caused misery and disappointment to both of them even after so many years together. By doing so, the man accused her for fear in commitment. Obviously he's using this excuse for his cheating way. But as expected, the woman always be the one who popped the do-u-still-love-me question and this is what transpired between them.

F - Between you and me, is it a long way right now?
M - Yeah, i feel that it is a long, long way right now. If i can, i want to go back and undo it.
F - How far back you want to undo?
M - ..........(silence)

----end----

I never finished watching the movie. Maybe i should watch it just to satisfy my curiosity of the ending and the whole story plot but for now I'm content with this knowledge.. Haha.

Goin-A-Hunting for House Design

2009-02-10T00:10:00.000-08:00

Last week while i was in KL/Lembah Kelang/Shah Alam outstationing ( i dun think this word exist), i have the opportunity of lookin around for new housing development around those area. After driving around aimlessly ; my meeting in Shah Alam finished around 2.30pm and i was supposed to meet my sister after office hours, i found this newly completed housing development in Shah Alam right next to the Extreme Park. Price range around 1.2M to 2M, i personally thought that the design somewhat refreshing and modernly chic.

Named Laman Seri (dun u just lurve it! even the name sound so hoity toity) i took the liberty of posting few photos of the inside out of the house design here. Yes, i managed to pass through the guard house looking as posh as i could. ( So the Guard would take me as a potential house buyer and didnt ask so many questions).

Consists of 1 huge living area, dining area, dry kitchen, wet kitchen, storeroom, 1 bedroom with toilet, maid's room and toilet on the ground floor. One huge master bedroom with spacious toilet and dressing room, family area and 3 other bedroom with toilet each on the first floor; the built up area for this unit easily can reach to 4ooo sqft. Let my photo(s) do the talking for you.

Corner Unit. Notice the architectural detail and roofing design.

Rear view of the house. Again, please take note of the small architectural detail which contribute to it unique design.

Main Entrance to the house. I love the peek-a-boo glass detail. I can think of at least a dozen ways to decorate it with timber planks(??) and lighting details.

Living area overlooking the small pond area and the dry kitchen area. Dont u just lurve the glass exterior. Seems so airy and windy.

Small pond area between the living area and the kitchen. Overlooking the staircase area from outside.

Family area on the first floor. I'm guessing the rails is for child protection.

Turning Thirty...

2009-01-11T23:35:00.000-08:00

This is the big year for me... i am; whether i like it or not; turning thirty... the big 3-0.

You might smirk at this entry. Yeah. 30. So? What's the big deal about it?. Suck it up lorr.

*Sigh* I am and always have been a ambitious person. I stop at nothing to get what i want. No. It doesn't mean that i have to slept with anybody. I have higher regards of my intelligence. But if it means that i have to work overnight, i'll do it. If it means that i have to go outstation non-stops within the year then i'll do it. If it means meeting important people in wee hours in the morning then i'll do it. Whatever the tasks given to the team, i triple my efforts to outdo the male colleague. If nobody dare to do inspection on the still under construction hanging fifth floor, i do it. There's nothing can stop me.

Now only months to go before turning 30, i got scared. In a steady relationship with same person for 6 years now.. i got scared. My biological clock is ticking faster than ever.

I don't want to get married yet but i also know that i don't have the luxury of time any longer. Most of our friends are now married with 2-4 kids. I guess that stressed both of our family a lot. Sometimes i even envy them, and im not ashamed of it. I chose this career path and ill live by my decision. I never regretted it ever. My life is too fun and adventurous even for the like of me. : )

If i get married now, when the business is just starting, i would hold off any thoughts of having kid. But as my biological clock is ticking faster than ever can i afford to do that?

If i decided to have kid, my priority would change. This i am sure of. What would happen then to my big dream? I dont want to put them on hold when the opportunity is right in front of me.

sigh.... well one thing for sure.. im turning thirty this year!